why?

because bumble bees are fuzzy 

because of the smell of oil paints 

because when kids lose their front teeth, they talk with a lisp 

because the ‘one good day’s add up if you look back far enough

because your best friends can write a book about you better than your parents can 

and because they truly love you just as much as you do them 

because beer doesn’t taste the same anymore 

because I can’t be left alone 

because life IS worth living 

and you are not alone

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the others

you pour your heart out 

and you pour it back 

and pour again 

and you pour it back 

without wanting to be 

you are consumed by the ones you’ve loved 

losing part of yourself each time 

what do I have left to compete with 

when my heart is only half full 

still, I beg you to take in every drop 

while ultimately I’m just part of the mix 

I am lost to you 

polluted for attention of the others 

cheapened for your collection 

and consummation 

Divide

You are one of those that is hard to find and even harder to keep

Your touch may be warm but it’s only a half truth 

With half a heart, you divide my body from my soul

And I hand you both

How could I not love you 

I have no choice 

But to give you everything I own 

My heart, my body, my soul

Trying to buy the other half of you that I’ll never know 

And you’ll never really be all mine

I’ve given myself up to you only to receive a cold glance of approval 

A passing standard 

You admire me but I am not the one you love 

If you could ever love someone it would drown you 

It would consume you, like my love for you consumes me

It would defeat you and you’ll climb back in the ring every time 

For her validation 

Willingly beaten, bright eyed loser

But with me you do not drown, you do not let yourself be beaten

You guard your soul, and will not be divided from it

You demanded from me my whole self and my whole self I gave

I have handed you everything and you are still not satisfied 

I am never enough

I am alone with nothing left to give but my dignity 

And so I do, give it willingly every day

I hand it over for some sort of appreciation 

For your body, your words

But regrettably never your soul 

You will not be divided

If only I would learn 

She

She’s not much for nostalgia 

Or self control

She’s gives too much and expects nothing

But everything you own

With a power trip and a sucker punch

She’s a cheap trick of fate

I give so much of my time and money

And she just asks for space 

Graffiti 

I’m sick of writing about how other people make me feel

Like they have a hold over my head and heart and worst of all my words

They ruin me in prospect of becoming a page or a line

They spew lines of romance to manipulate my border

They charm their way over my wall

To steal my time and my body away from me without remorse

Now I know every kiss is a lie

And every line is a guess at a password

They want to crawl under my skin and under my covers, to leave scars of distrust

Sticking to my words and memory

Dark though it may be

They want to see if they can smudge their way into my world

The vanity of I was here carved into my heart

The sick pride of receiving a line in my book

Dedicated to the hurt that they caused

My scars and words are then not my own

But graffiti on my pages

From the ones I’d rather forget