Divide

You are one of those that is hard to find and even harder to keep

Your touch may be warm but it’s only a half truth 

With half a heart, you divide my body from my soul

And I hand you both

How could I not love you 

I have no choice 

But to give you everything I own 

My heart, my body, my soul

Trying to buy the other half of you that I’ll never know 

And you’ll never really be all mine

I’ve given myself up to you only to receive a cold glance of approval 

A passing standard 

You admire me but I am not the one you love 

If you could ever love someone it would drown you 

It would consume you, like my love for you consumes me

It would defeat you and you’ll climb back in the ring every time 

For her validation 

Willingly beaten, bright eyed loser

But with me you do not drown, you do not let yourself be beaten

You guard your soul, and will not be divided from it

You demanded from me my whole self and my whole self I gave

I have handed you everything and you are still not satisfied 

I am never enough

I am alone with nothing left to give but my dignity 

And so I do, give it willingly every day

I hand it over for some sort of appreciation 

For your body, your words

But regrettably never your soul 

You will not be divided

If only I would learn 

She

She’s not much for nostalgia 

Or self control

She’s gives too much and expects nothing

But everything you own

With a power trip and a sucker punch

She’s a cheap trick of fate

I give so much of my time and money

And she just asks for space 

Graffiti 

I’m sick of writing about how other people make me feel 

Like they have a hold over my head and heart and worst of all my words

They ruin me in prospect of becoming a page or a line 

They spew lines of romance to manipulate my border 

They charm their way over my wall 

To steal my time and my body away from me without remorse 

Now I know every kiss is a lie 

And every line is a guess at a password 

They want to crawl under my skin and under my covers, to leave scars of distrust 

Sticking to my words and memory 

Dark though it may be 

They want to see if they can smudge their way into my world 

The vanity of I was here carved into my heart 

The sick pride of receiving a line in my book

Dedicated to the hurt that they caused 

My scars and words are then not my own 

But graffiti from the ones I’d rather forget

desperate and separate

i’m waiting for my fingers to wrinkle in the bath 

i’m waiting for deadlines to pass and the guilt to come 

for sleep and silence, that I’ll never get knowingly 

i’m waiting for time to heal me and make me forget 

i’m waiting for the words to come and cure me 

for the rain to come and the sun to shine 

for the wine to hit me and for my memory to fade 

i’m waiting for my purpose to steal me and my fate to play me 

i’m waiting for a world where I’m no longer waiting for you 

for you 

take aim and linger

in drafty doorways

while the cold

adds purpose to your patience 

a shy corner smile 

pawn sliding across the board

what a deliberate chance 

to plan spontaneous love

a rose window 

of stained apologies 

and still signals of hope shine through

I am ready once again