I’ve figured out that I don’t want romance

I can live without cliched idealistic summers

I want to push the limits and test your faith in me

I want to run our love into the ground

bury it beneath a mountain of sorrow and pity

then desperately cling to you

like a mourning woman 

unsure of how to feel

so feeling everything 

I want to feel everything with you

just to know that you need me 

that you’ll be there no matter what

so I’ll put you through everything

just to prove you wrong 

that you won’t stay 

and I am not a woman to love

I’ll make you sick at the thought of me

if you let me

I’ll stretch out your heart

so that you can’t go back

to who you were before

ashamed of your naivety 

before you knew me

and oh 

you’ll know me


so you’ll know

that no one could love me

not for everything 

not for me

but please don’t let me prove it to you

because neither of us will recover

my love for you comes with jealously

pain       sorrow       anger      passion

worst of all passion

it is unmoving and absolute

settled in the knowledge that you will go

and leave me alone with my passion, sorrow, and tests

but my god 

without you

I feel nothing

nothing at all


One thought on “everything

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