Expectations pose

while the weight of my world bends my shoulders

and creates kinks in my neck

with a smile, and a shift of the eyes

i say i’m fine

and ask about you

i’m not very good at conversations

making time

love

or anything really

creative abilities turn

into creative possibilities of how everyone hates you

 

how they would be better off without you

imagining scenarios

that works with my mindset

on some level i want to be proven right

that i am worthless

that the world is better off without me

but i don’t fullheartedly  believe it

 

i’m at the back of the concert complaining about the view

when i should be elbowing my way to the front

if i am just as important as everyone else

then maybe i will

 

i may feel things more completely

and that is sometimes a burden

on myself

but more importantly on the people around me

i am deafened by loving the people i love so wholey

that i lose sight of the fact that they are people too

they make mistakes

they love and they lie

they try and they fall

 

i am consumed with hatred for myself

so that i do not leave my room

for expected failures

but i have to leave my room

and join the world of the tryers and the failures

and make peace with myself

make sure i know its okay

to make my footprints here known

because that will be all that’s left

 

id rather be remembered for being kind

than not remembered at all

 

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