kiss in dew

sunsets and evening rain

everything is temporary

doomed from the start romance 

the most passionate 

and the most simple

no pressures of forever

no trials or conquests 

just lust and love 

kisses in morning dew 

and nothing else

and nothing more

nothing better

everything

I’ve figured out that I don’t want romance

I can live without cliched idealistic summers

I want to push the limits and test your faith in me

I want to run our love into the ground

bury it beneath a mountain of sorrow and pity

then desperately cling to you

like a mourning woman 

unsure of how to feel

so feeling everything 

I want to feel everything with you

just to know that you need me 

that you’ll be there no matter what

so I’ll put you through everything

just to prove you wrong 

that you won’t stay 

and I am not a woman to love

I’ll make you sick at the thought of me

if you let me

I’ll stretch out your heart

so that you can’t go back

to who you were before

ashamed of your naivety 

before you knew me

and oh 

you’ll know me

everything

so you’ll know

that no one could love me

not for everything 

not for me

but please don’t let me prove it to you

because neither of us will recover

my love for you comes with jealously

pain       sorrow       anger      passion

worst of all passion

it is unmoving and absolute

settled in the knowledge that you will go

and leave me alone with my passion, sorrow, and tests

but my god 

without you

I feel nothing

nothing at all
  

intent

without you I’m doomed to look for purpose

instead of living with one

I filled the cracks with good intentions 

but I’m a shell of what I once was 

and as I searched for a cure

a break from safe melancholy 

I was not comforted by my slip into sanity

and though my own dreams turn inward against me 

I know this life, the life of a thief of a life

a life that was once yours to call your own  

this is how i love you now

now I will love you solely with the memories of who I used to be

in the smiles you captured so well

seasons change, how can I love you now

when I don’t know who you are

and I am not who I once was

our skins and soupicture1 (2)ls

no longer connected

but finally, no longer lost

the miles and meals are far behind us

and can never be again

never changed or touched

for they are ours, the only thing we share now

I am in your memory as one you loved

and you know I will always love that person you were

but we neither are nor should be again

my darling, my soulmate

this is how I love you now

my memories of you will never collect dust

a fresh affair, a fresh heartache

I will love you souly, for who you used to be

anymore

I’m not thinking of how you left

how much I miss you

or how much you don’t miss me

I’m not thinking of your smile

for it was rarely given to me

I’m not thinking of the way your hair felt between my fingers

or how I woke you up each morning with a kiss

I’m not thinking about our time together

or the time we’ll never have

my memory goes blank when I think of you

I can not recall your love

there is nothing there for me to miss

I’m not thinking of how you left, anymore

uninvited

I let you so far in that you’ve made a home of the darkest corners of my mind

you feed on my misery and invite yourself to the pity parties that I throw

in my happy state you have no place and not in my sober mind are you welcome

but as soon as I start to doubt myself, here you are to start the show

of this i am sure

I used to be such a lady of love

the long inhale, eyes cast down

inner peace from outer prospects

its much harder when you have to look inside

have to sooth your own soul

without influence or prospects

comfort or warmth from another

love is now a fickle thing

entertainment for the empty

yes I am sure

I am convinced of its bitterness and betrayal

the longer I sit in silence

I am sure only the weak fall prey

to its cruel temptations

they always come with a warm hand and a cold heart

I am better off without expectation, disappointment, or love

love is for the foolish and weak

yes of this I am sure